I want to feel numb, not alive. The only thing I’ve achieve from feeling alive is feeling pain, and insignificant. From my family to friends I’ve never been the one to stand out. I’ve just fallen into the deep pool of good girls. Of course I had so many expectations burned through me, yet I could see that they already know I will fail. I don’t want to try this whole living thing, life has given me nothing. I have twisted emotions with this. God has given me so much but I guess I haven’t learned how to use his blessings. Maybe I’ve been too bad to understand it; maybe I’ve never stood to his standards either. I’ve done nothing but fail. And when my brother jokes about it I can’t help but feel that slight pang pushing me deeper and deeper into the never ending ditch. It would be a cliché for me to right that no one understands me; how melodramatic no? I just came to terms with the acknowledgment of my existence. No one really cares-right now. Of course when I die I might be remembered for a week or two, probably thinking oh yeah She was a nice girl-yeah a nice girl in a sea of other nice girls. There would be nothing special. I would be just one of them, the ones who quit on being loved.